Welcome to my blog!
In this life, we are promised to have struggles. So when they happen, you think we wouldn’t be surprised, right? Well, the thing is there are all types of struggles. Financial, relational, mental, emotional, etc. You can’t exactly predict struggles. They just happen. If your friend dies, that’s a huge struggle. Months, years, of crying, grieving, and maybe even mentally struggling for a while if they played a huge role in your life. What if your work suddenly closes down one day? Where will the money for all your bills come from? How will you take care of yourself, your family? What if your heart gets broken, and the person on the other side doesn’t seem to care? What if in all of this, you cry out to God, and He’s silent? What if He doesn’t answer some big, grand way? What if you don’t feel Him there at all, but your world is crashing all around you? That was last night for me. I realized I was probably being a bit dramatic with what I was crying about (a guy), but even in that pain, in my struggle, I called out to God, and He didn’t answer me. I was on my knees, hands up, tears streaming down my face, and no answer. God was completely silent. All He gave me was peace. But there was no voice, no “I love you, I’m right here.” just quiet. And that hurt even more so. I felt like God had abandoned me, but because His peace was with me, I knew that wasn’t true. So why didn’t God answer me? To test my trust in Him, I think at least. It takes faith to call out to God, and choose to continue to believe in and praise/worship Him, even when He chooses silence as His response. It’s trusting that Him responding with silence, is all the answer you need. The thing is, I know very well God is there. He doesn’t have to be audible for me to know that. So why did I keep crying out, “answer me!” when I knew He chose silence? Because I wanted a reason. God had revealed the guy He had been showing me in dreams over the past 3 years. Of course, then, my expectations were high. Even now, knowing God’s doing this in His timing, I still fawn over this guy on a regular basis. I haven’t told him I like him. I haven’t really communicated much with him at all. I chose silence, because I felt like God just wanted me to wait on Him, and let that guy move first. But, in the past few days alone, my heart had been breaking. I noticed that he was doing things I didn’t like, being flirty to where it seems harmless, but to my all-consumed-in-him heart, it was torture. And I’ve been watching him do it for days. Posting things that just hurt me deeper and deeper, because all I see is that he’s betraying me, when in reality, he has no idea that I like him, and wouldn’t ever hurt me intentionally. Now, I’m fine. I talked to my mom and a friend about it, and with some insight, I feel much better. My point here is to point out that God is just, God is sovereign, because this broke my heart into a million pieces. The things I saw him do, small little things that were normal to him, broke me, way too easily. They kept replaying in my head, I couldn’t breathe, it felt awful. And then, I cried out to God-- and heard nothing. God decided to say nothing to me. No voice. No “I got this” no “trust me” just silence. And that hurt. That hurt so bad, to know my heart was breaking and my God was choosing not to answer me. But that is alright. If God decides silence is my answer, so that I am able to see that He and what He’s already said is the answer, then I will continue to trust Him, and be content with that silence, because I know that is the best choice, that is His answer. I feel so dramatic writing this, cause these things I cried so hard about last night are just nothing now. And the good thing is, God knew that the whole time. The thing is, you can be perfectly lined up in the will of God, and still suffer. God wanted to see if I trusted Him if silence was His answer, and like a loving Father disciplines His child, He wanted me to realize that I cannot put everything into this boy. That boy is not God, cannot satisfy me/make me happy like God can, and is not aware of how I feel, so me putting my everything into him is useless, a waste of time. All I need to do, is my put my everything into God, and He’ll take care of the rest. I’ve wanted to give up on this relationship before. Run away, bail on him, find a guy I think I’d like better, all because I wasn’t being patient, I chose to panic and try to change things to go my way, because God’s way was not fast enough for me. And God stopped me, and told me I wasn’t trusting Him, again. And these things, that caused me panic for the past few days, each time I went to Him with them on my heart, I knew that His answer was that everything would be alright, and that I just needed to trust Him, even if He was silent. Things do not change just because you don’t get a response. If God tells you something, promises you something, that thing is set in stone. Nothing can move it, nothing can prevent it. God will not and cannot go back on His promises. So right now, though it seems I’m in love with a guy who knows of existence but doesn’t exactly act, it doesn’t mean that what God says isn’t true. It might be tomorrow, next week, six months, or even a year, but it’ll happen. Don’t know how, and I do not know precisely when, but God said it would, so I’ll just have to wait and see. I will continue to pursue God with my everything, and one day, whenever God decides that day will be, His promise that He made to me August of 2013, will come true. (And I will be so glad to know that it is happening at the exact time, in the exact way that God wants it to. And it is so great to know that the omnipotent, all knowing, existing in all times at once, all powerful, above all, God of the universe and everything else in creation, is the One who will (and is) orchestrate this event.) You are LOVED!! Have a blessed everything, Melody P.S. again, did not proof read this, it is late lol.
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Playing Jesus
Based on a sermon by Pastor Daniel B. Pretend for a moment it is your job to act like Jesus. Based on the Bible, and your own relationship with Jesus, what is He like? A few that words would come to mind are calm, peaceful, loving, caring, compassionate, patient, gentle, and kind, just to name a few. So now, you, playing Jesus, are supposed to act those things out. If you had to play the part, act out Jesus, you would instantly focus and concentrate on becoming more gentle, patient, kind, and compassionate. All of those things that Jesus is. I'm here to tell you that that is your job everyday. To become more and more like Jesus. To be kind, and bless others. To be compassionate, listen to people's stories, and offer help to them if you can. To be gentle, and to speak calmly even when someone is angry. Not rushing or forcing your way into someone's heart, but being patient and kind, taking the time to handle their heart with care, like Jesus would. Love like Jesus. And this quote I am getting off of tumblr, but “cross oceans for people, even if they wouldn't walk thru a puddle for you.” That is what real, sacrificial, amazing love is. (I am not saying to be a doormat, I am saying to put others before yourself. I'd recommend reading the book “Boundaries” to get a better idea on how to do this, and just exactly what that means.) Truly LOVE people. Don't just tolerate them, don't fake it. If you are having a hard time loving someone, pray to God to help you out. Love is what changes people, not force. For the longest time, I thought love was just really liking and wanting someone, and being there for them from time to time, as much as you could really, but I didn’t realize what love truly meant until I watched the 5 Love Languages, and Dr. Gary Chapman said that love is waking up every day and choosing someone’s needs before your own. And because I had such a surface idea of love, my first thought was “that sounds awful!! Waking up everyday to do stuff I don’t want to do?? Doing things for others all the time? THEIR needs before MINE?? Why would somehow choose to do that, day after day? That sounds like torture! Love sounds so difficult!!” Yet, people do choose to do that, day after day. They choose to love people. They put others needs before themselves, they seek to serve, help, give, they seek to be joy to and bless someone. They know how amazing love feels. It’d feel awesome if I woke up and my husband had bought me flowers and put them on my nightstand. And even right now in my current life, I bet it’d be awesome for my mom if she woke up and I had made her breakfast. The thing I didn’t see about love originally, is that even though it can be difficult, because you really are fighting yourself, there is also such a joy love brings. I love to love people. I love to smile at customers and tell them to have a great day, and I love that I genuinely want them to. I love seeing my friend Sergeant and hugging her tight and know she loves me back. I love being able to shout Wifey across the room and know my Wifey will turn around and greet me, possibly freaked out that I just screamed at her. I love that Ombre takes the time to listen to me ramble about nothingness, and that we can talk about our crushes mindlessly without end. And I love that I can hug Missy and know she is so happy to see me, and wants me there with her. I love to see all these people, and I could go on and on about the people I love, and how great it feels to love them. It is such a joy to serve, too. There are so many things about playing Jesus that just make me warm, but I cannot ignore the other side either, however, I also really try not to care! What I mean is, we will be prosecuted for our faith. We will lose friends, possibly respect from people, people may be mean to us, discredit us, laugh at us, and a number of other things. And I cannot say I am free from fear of these things, WHO CARES!!! I don’t care if you laugh because I’m reading the Bible. I love it so much! I love to open up Psalms, and read the love letters written to and from God. I love to read the Old Testament and see God come through for his people, even though they were total idiots sometimes, and they failed him constantly. I love the New Testament, and being able to learn about how to be like Jesus even more so, and how I should be living my life. Jesus was persecuted for preaching the Truth, and we will be, too! But who cares!! It’s all incredible in the end. Jesus has risen, and there is nothing, NOTHING, that can take that away. There is no mean word, no friend we could lose, and no bad event in our life that can keep God from being glorified, and keep us from the glory promised to us once we choose to follow Jesus. It’s in the bag, man. Don’t go about life fearful, thinking, “but if I talk about God, they may not want to be my friends.” WHO CARES!!!! Talk about God! I am not saying shove God down people’s throats, but don’t deny Him, either. Live for Him and Him alone. Don’t live for you, or your friends, or for the world. That;s empty, I guarantee it. (King Solomon guarantees that, too, in Ecclesiastes) Live for God! Following Jesus is the best thing you could do, definitely not the easiest, but most certainly the best. (that is your own choice, of course. Don’t let people force you into it, and don’t force people into it, else resentment will grow, like it did for me. It is the best choice, but YOU must make it. No one else can make it for you.) Following Him means acting like Him. So be kind, be gentle, be patient, have compassion, mercy, and truly LOVE people!! Pray and seek God so that you may become more and more like Jesus, and practice it every day. Take risks, live boldly, and don’t be afraid. God’s with you, you got this. Keep praying, seeking, and following God, “Seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” (Matthew 6:33) “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” (Isaiah 41:10) Thank you, and remember, you are LOVED!! Melody P.S. It may help if when you wake up and look in the mirror each day to say, “I am playing Jesus today,”. Remind yourself what that means, and do it. Pray to God to help you do it, too. P.P.S. I did not proof read this because it is almost 1 AM, ignore any mistakes :) also I am totally hyper and slap happy cause it's so late so there might be some random dumb stuff in here. God does amazing things for us all the time. He gives us air to breathe, eyes to see, and displays creation beautifully before us for our own enjoyment. On top of those everyday amazing things we tend to take for granted, He does some stand-outish things that are just incredible. God stories are stories of when God has done something earth shattering for you. Maybe it was small, like you got just the right parking spot and made it to your doctor’s appointment on time, or maybe it was big, and God provided all the money you needed for a mission trip or a bill overnight. Either way, God is showing Himself, and it is always encouraging to remind yourself of what God has done for you, and what He has done for other people. (side note: always be grateful and thankful for everything, and stay in an “attitude of gratitude”.) Citing my journal, I have gone through and found prayers requests, even little things I’ve mentioned, that God has responded to. Keep in mind God is not a genie, an answer to each prayer isn’t always a resounding, “yes”, and He has a purpose for everything. Off the top of my head, I can tell you I was amazed when God provided a job for me, and when I sought out to honor Him by finding a job that lets me have Sundays off for the sake of going to church, He honored me as well, and the job I was able to get not only is closed Sundays, but also my favorite day of the week, Mondays. So God honored me as I honored Him. That amazes me so much, because all I can think is, “how am I worth that much to you that you’d do such a thing?” and then I recall how while I was just reading 1st Chronicles, David had set out to build a house for LORD (an actual building for the ark/the Name of God instead of just a tent) and God told him no, and said He’d be the one building a house for David. That just amazed me, David wanted to go out of his way to do something amazing for God, and instead, God did something amazing for him. (to understand this better I recommend reading that part of 1st Chronicles) God has promised to provide everything we need, and my current prayer is for a car. (update: that’s going to work out and I will have a car yay!) Here are some of the stories and ways He has already answered me/heard me out:
Thank you again, Melody In case you haven’t noticed, things tend to take time. Especially good things. They need to develop, grow, prosper, and come together at the right time, in the right way. Timing is everything. When you’re driving and there’s a yellow light, you’re 100 feet away, but going 45 miles per hour. Can you stop safely in time? You have a friend that things are rough with right now. Do you think it’d be a good idea to take some time off? Or do you take the impatient route and quit the friendship altogether? Good things take time, and patience pays off. It’s better to take time with things so that they may be done correctly, instead of rushing them and ruining things. Just like how I tried to rush the relationship God has given me. That didn’t help it, at all. It’s one of those things that takes time. We have to get to know each other, we can’t just jump into something as serious as that. God is not constrained by the grips of “time”. In fact, time doesn’t really exist to God at all. He exists in the past, present, and future, all at the same time. Meaning God is not surprised by anything that happens. He’s already there. And for me, that is very comforting. If something happens, it's nice to know He's right there to hold me as it's happening. God's timing on things is almost always not the same time as when we want something to happen. I wanted a relationship right away. I wanted to grow up quickly, not realizing all the things that come with adulthood. I wanted so many things at so many different times. And God's timing is just different from my timing. His timing is perfect, His timing is well thought out, His timing makes sense. I feel like through my dog Harley, God has also taught me something about timing. Long story short, it's worth it to wait to receive things at the correct time rather than getting them too soon. I love dogs, but I knew I shouldn't get one, because I wasn't in a good place to do so. So when I got him, I was able to learn from God, “this is what happens when you get things at the wrong time.” It hurts you, and the other person involved. I was not ready for a relationship a year ago, but I begged for it. If I would've gotten it at that time, it would probably be over by now. It wouldn't have worked. But God, has a much better plan in mind than I do. Waiting on God may not seem exciting, and the process feels like a thousand years, but it is so well worth it. And it is so much more beautiful God's way! Things happening slowly are so much prettier than rushing into something and causing a huge mess. There are also times when things happen and we are not able to understand so easily. Sure, it makes sense to wait for something, but what do you do when something unexpected happens? You’ve probably noticed I usually mean someone has died, and you are correct. When I moved back here, I did my second half of 8th grade at middle school. I hadn’t seen most of those kids since 5th grade, and on top of that, a lot of them moved or switched schools. So when I started middle school here, I didn’t really know anybody but maybe 1 or 2 people. At least enough to have an actual conversation. I had gym class, and I met Tiffany and Chanel. They were hilarious, always doing goofy, funny things, always smiling, making stupid jokes and making me laugh constantly. We were all stupid together. We were the two musketeers, because Chanel said that since Tiffany and I were both only half black we only made up one musketeer, even though yes, technically, there were three of us. I had gotten so used to my church up north that when I moved here, I resented the church I had grown up in. It felt so far from me, and it didn’t feel like a family any more. I felt like I was forced to go there, and I was just miserable. I wanted to go back to Illinois, and the comfort of my old church. But that’s not where God wanted me. Moving along, my mother and a few other people really urged me to go to youth group. I didn’t want to go, at all. I, at the very least, did not want to go alone. I did go with my friend Angelica, and that was nice, but I was just so upset that it wasn’t my youth group from my church in Illinois. I didn’t know anyone. I was sad, lonely, angry, and incredibly distant and just unwilling to be there. But then I had a conversation with Tiffany, and she expressed similar feelings. She, too, wanted to go to youth group, but did not want to go alone. So we thought, hey, let’s go together! This was at the end of 8th grade, and I forgot about youth group for a little while. I finally got around to messaging Tiffany, asking if she would go to youth group with me. She replied, (paraphrasing here) “Oh yeah! We could next week, I’m going up to Tennessee this weekend, but we can go after I get back!” I said okay and it was a plan. Tiffany did not come home that weekend, nor the week after, or ever again. She died. I hadn’t lost a friend that way ever in my life, and I remember crying so hard in my room that my mother came running. My best friend had called me and told me the news, and my world just crashed. Tiffany, was dead? Gone? I couldn’t understand. I didn’t get the concept. But, God, I pleaded, we were going to go to youth group! I was about to make a new life long friend! I was going to go on crazy musketeer adventures with Tiffany and Chanel! It didn’t happen, and God didn’t tell me why. And I was sad, and I was angry, confused, to say the least. It was a lot at 14, in the middle of adjusting to moving, trying to get back into church, finally making friends, only for them to die. It didn’t make sense. But God was not surprised. He knew this would happen, and He was going to do something good with this situation. I couldn’t really see the good at the time of course, but over the past few years, I have seen a few blessings in my own life, in the form of Tiffany’s family. They have been amazing to me, loving me so much, and pushing me closer and closer to God. They’ve sponsored me for summer camps, retreats, weekends, just all of these amazing experiences that have changed my life for the better each time, and have drawn me drastically closer to God, teaching me something new, giving me a new perspective. All of these happened exactly when they were supposed to happen. Because God exists across all lengths of time all at the same time, you can trust that He is doing something with what is going on currently in your life. Continue to seek Him in everything, and remember that He does know best. He knows exactly when the best time for things to happen, or not, are. He knows exactly how long you’ll have to wait, and why. Like Ms. Kadie told us, “Ask God, ‘What do you want me to learn in this?’” Everything happens for a reason, and there are no mistakes. Remember, God is a God of second chances. If you feel like you’ve messed up His purpose or plan, remember that what He says still stands. He gives a second chance, and will give you a clean slate. Not saying you should push God, but just letting you know it isn’t over, or hopeless, if you mess up. Like how I chased down the man God gave me, even though that’s not my job. God fixed that, and made it clean, because I admitted my mistake, and asked Him to please fix what I had done. And things are good and new now. Don’t ever doubt that God is using a situation, because He uses every second of every day to point us down the direction He has for us, the Will and way for us to go. He loves us genuinely, and absolutely insanely deeply, and He is always here. Also keep in mind, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28) and, “Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails.” (Proverbs 19:21)
You are loved and God bless you! Thank you for reading, and I hope this helps you in some way! Melody (I did not proofread this, so ignore my mistakes. Thanks.) Forgiveness does not mean what they did was okay. Forgiveness does mean letting go of the fact they may never apologize to you for it. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you don’t deserve that apology, but letting it go sets you free. Freedom is found in letting go and forgiving. When you forgive, you’re taking that hurt and letting it go, out your control, no longer to be meditated on, etc.. It may not be easy, but you’d be surprised to find how beneficial it is for you to forgive. (you can always ask God to help you forgive someone) Some of us have mastered the art of stuffing things down inside of us, including hurt and pain. When we forgive, it sets that free, leaving space for God to fill in. God is faithful, and He will fill you with His love, joy, and peace once you that space is freed up. Sometimes you may have to forgive someone multiple times because the pain keeps rising up, and that’s okay, just keep bringing it to God. Eventually, you will be able to completely get over past hurts. You can’t truly live your life freely holding onto such things, anyway. Forgiveness is extremely important, and very necessary. It keeps you feeling lights, open, free, and receptive. Forgiveness is also necessary in all relationships. No matter how hard you try, no one is going to like you 100% of the time, except for God, really. And you won’t like everyone, even your closest friend, 100% of the time. I’ve been best friends with Melissa with over 10 years, and one time I was leaving her house and forgot my favorite crackers at her house, and she ate them. (Because she thought I was being nice and left them for her.) But all I did was get mad at her, and I didn’t let it go for months. (yes, over crackers I stayed angry.) But that’s a strain on our relationship, me harboring unforgiveness for that completely innocent act. I let it go eventually, and it became a joke much later on, but my point is that unforgiveness doesn’t weigh only you down and affect you, but it also harms your relationship with other people. Between myself and all my friends, and family members, I have had to learn to let things go and forgive them when they upset me, because I want the relationship to stay healthy, and grow. Because they love me, they will do the same thing; they’ll forgive me for being a butt sometimes. Reconciliation is necessary in certain cases, and really we should leave it up to God whether or not he wants us to directly reconcile with people. For example, when I realized how hurtful I had been to Melissa, I apologized for my behavior, and worked on forgiving myself and hoping she’d forgive me as well. But that was one of those times where I couldn’t have just let the situation stay up in the air and kept going on with life as if nothing was wrong, and as if what I had done wasn’t hurting our relationship, or her. I had to humble myself, go to her, openly and honestly admit my faults and offenses against her, and sincerely apologize. Forgiveness can take a lot of courage sometimes, but I assure you it is always worth it to choose forgiveness. This doesn’t mean let people walk all over you, but for more on that I would just suggest reading Boundaries:When to Say Yes, How to Say No by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. As my youth pastor Jim said, “Choose winning the friendship, not winning the fight.”
You are LOVED and God bless you!! When God revealed to me the man He promised me, I had expected us to be together immediately. I thought for the last three years, “When me and him finally meet, we’re going to recognize each other and be together right away.” That didn’t happen. Week one, I just watched him a lot, wondering what he knew. Week two or three maybe, frustration settled in and I wondered why he wasn’t coming after me. After a couple months, I was trying to make things go my way. This situation didn’t meet my expectations, and I wanted to change it. God obviously wasn’t hearing my demands, this guy was obviously not aware of my existence (even though in the back of my mind I knew that I had known him for over a year and he wasn’t going to suddenly forget me) and so on and so forth. Either way, things weren’t going MY way, so something was wrong, right? No, in reality, nothing was wrong. I just didn’t want to wait on God. I wasn’t waiting on God in the first place. Even recently, I thought I had stopped trying to control this situation, when in reality I had just changed my strategy, and I didn’t even notice until someone pointed it out to me. God has convicted me of not trusting Him in this either. God cannot lie, meaning if He promises us something, He must fulfill it. However, God does not exist for us. We exist for God and His glory. His glory and His holiness are above everything else, so while we might not understand everything that happens in our lives, it all points towards His glory, and “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28). Sometimes there are people in our life we expect to be there forever, but then they suddenly stop talking to us, or they leave town, or all of a sudden they die. Jake Kalicki was one of those people I expected to always be there. Ms. Sam, my youth leader from my old church, suddenly died this week, and I have no idea how. One of my best online friends blocked me all of a sudden, and though I eventually realized I had deserved it for how I had been treating her, it still leaves a burn mark on my heart. We look to God and say, “What do you expect me to do with this?” when in reality it’s God saying, “Trust me. You can expect of me to do something good with this.” While we may wish and dream everything in life would go our way, I can tell you right now expecting that is completely useless. Things will never go exactly our way. Sometimes I can pray to God for something, and I’ll have it immediately, before I even finish asking for it. Sometimes I pray for something, and it doesn’t seem to be going anywhere. Eventually, He does answer it and give to me whatever I asked for, just not when I had wanted Him to. God knows what’s best, which includes knowing when the perfect timing for something is. Maybe I want this relationship right now, and God wants it in 6 months. I could live the next 6 months frustrated, saying, “God, I expected more of you!” (Basically saying I expect God to live for me and my purposes instead of His) or I could have peace about it and say, “God, I have no idea when this is going to happen, but I trust You. And I expect You to make it happen in Your perfect timing, in Your perfect way, and do whatever You want to do with this situation so that it brings You glory.” I know God will do what He says, He has to. Maybe it won’t be when I want it, but it’ll happen. The Cubs won the World Series for the first time in 108 years, my cousin had a 4% chance of living when he had leukemia as a baby and he is still here, alive and well. My Great Aunt has had pneumonia probably 9 or 10 times, and has holes in her lungs, but guess who’s at her own house looking great and gardening every day? God does some absolutely amazing things, and deserves all the glory for it. Okay, maybe the Cubs winning isn’t exactly godly, but what I’m saying is expect great things from God, always, even if you don’t know for sure how something will turn out. There will be sorrows in this life, He has promised us that, but expect Him to be there for you and with you in every life event, whether dark and sad or light and happy. God’s right here, and you can expect Him to be with you any day, anytime, anywhere, in any situation, always.
God bless you, you are LOVED!! Communication is extremely important in any place life brings you. You communicate with your boss what hours you can work, you communicate with your friends and significant other boundaries that need to be set, and you communicate to God through prayer. Relationships suffer when good communication doesn’t exist. When you communicate improperly, or not at all, there’s a lot of guessing, hidden feelings, and a distrust between the communicators. However, if those feelings stay hidden, if that distrust is never addressed, if those guesses and assumptions remain, the relationship could suddenly end. One of the people in the relationship could just suddenly blow up one day on the other one, ending a relationship that could’ve been salvaged if they had just communicated better. When you communicate with the other person, you want them to hear you out, and you should do the same. If you have a friend that has communicated to you that they are not comfortable with you swearing so much, respect them and watch your mouth. Just like if you would communicate to them that you don’t like how they always choose the place to hangout, you hope they’d respect you and let you pick a few places. There are so many things to be accomplished through communication, like clearing up any assumptions. Maybe you’re not sure if someone is angry at you or not, or you're not sure if they still like you or not. Ask. Maybe you can’t quite remember what kind of flowers your friend likes. Ask. Maybe something happened in your life and you are not sure why. Look to God, and ask. There have been many instances in my life where friendships have been saved through good communication. Friendships have also ended when I decided to not respect what my friends had been trying to communicate. Communicate well, and listen well. You’ll never get your point across, know for sure what someone is thinking, or understand a situation if you choose not to communicate and listen. In some chances, communication may be difficult. Have a friend go with you to support whatever you are trying to say. Write out what you feel, draw it. Just get out how you feel, and what you want to say to the other person, no matter how you have to do it, as long as you are respectful in the process. If someone doesn’t want to listen, you can’t make them. If they don’t want to change, you can’t change them. Communicate exactly how you feel, and go from there. Have a support group if necessary, just get out what you have to say. Out of all of your relationships, your relationship with God is the most important. God can handle your questions, your sadness, your joy, your anger, however you are feeling, and He genuinely cares about how you feel, and what you have to say. He won’t turn away because you yelled at Him, He’ll come closer. He wants to help, heal, and comfort. But He can’t do that unless we put ourselves aside first. See, God is communicating with us all the time just like how we are communicating with Him. Maybe for you, God shows Himself and says, “I love you.” through sunrises, maybe you see a hummingbird after each prayer, maybe your favorite song comes on, at just the right time, and you know it's for you. God communicates to all of us His love for us in both little and big ways. Whenever I see a dandelion seed fly through the air, I know it’s God saying, “I am with you. I am right here.” when I see “333” I know it’s God saying He’s right there, or He’s pointing me towards something. And when I put on my crown, my cross, and look in the mirror each morning, I remember how God sees me, how much He loves me, and that I am His daughter, and nothing could ever take that away from me. Talk to God, whenever! If you have something on your heart, let it out! If there’s something you want to say to someone, say it. Be bold. God’s right here, waiting to help you, guide you, and love you. He is with you, always. Listen to Him when He speaks, through His word, through the little signs and symbols you two have between each other, and sometimes through other people. Get to know God, so when you have that mix of voices and directions on what to do, you’ll be able to identify His, and follow it.
“27 My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. 28 I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish;no one will snatch them out of my hand. 29 My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father’s hand. 30 I and the Father are one.” John 10:27-30 Focusing on God even though I've been focusing on the negative, and what came of it. I was having such a rough day today until I stopped and thought, "have you ever considered just how big God is?" And I realized "No, not in a while." so I stopped and I thought about it. I realized God's bigger than my depression, my anxiety, and bigger than what I had been worrying about all day. He'b igger than anything I could ever deal with. I hadn't been trusting Him when I chose to worry. Worry is just letting yourself believe God isn't able to do something, or can't help you. He's God! He can do anything, and everything He does or decides not to do, is part of His purpose, and His plan, and it'll all be okay no matter what, because He knows what He's doing. But seriously, for just a moment, stop. Have you ever truly considered how big God is? There's a gif of God's hand underneath the earth, holding it up. I couldn't find the exact gif, but I found a similar picture: (left) (note: I do not own this picture) But it just shows how God is holding us up, and when you compare how big we are compared to God. (and trust me, he's much bigger than this picture even. The gif I was looking for has the earth the size of a baseball in his hand, and that's still nothing.) Whenever you worry about something, stop and consider just how big God is. People normally say, "tell your problem how Big your God is!" And I don't like that cause then you're still addressing the problem, as if you need to continue thinking about it after giving it to God. Just leave the issue in God's beyond big hands, and He will take care of it. Always. Then your mind will be clear, and you'll be able to focus more and more on God, on whatever task He has given you, and living your life is the exact way He wants you to, for Him. And everything else will fall into place, if you just focus on God. He loves you, and you are HIS! You are LOVED, Melody One week ago, Thursday, October 20, 2016, I lost my friend Jake Kalicki. Jake was one of those people in my life where I thought, “Oh, they’ll always be there. It’s them, why wouldn’t they be here?” He was a constant, and I didn’t realize what a huge hold on my heart he had until he died. Even now, I cannot fully come to grips with the reality that he’s just not here. I won’t be able to hug him ever, I won’t get to hear any stupid jokes, we won’t get to talk about that episode of Family Guy he asked me to watch, and I won’t be able to tell him I thought it was kind of sweet like he said it would be. I won’t get to rant about how we both didn’t like our Algebra teacher, and I won’t get to hear about how the year went after I left that January. Some part of me knew Jake was suffering in some way, but he was always the kind of person to look out for others, how are they doing, and you’d try to ask him about his life and he’d just redirect the conversation. I have known Jake since elementary school, and I am so glad I got to spend that time with him, and those few months with him in that highschool classroom, talking everyday about everything. Jake was fantastic, and after I left that highschool, I had no idea what became of him. I learned later on that he had partied a lot, and drank, too. And that surprised me. Finding out he died was shocking enough, finding out he had that kind of lifestyle was almost even more shocking. Jake had been quiet with me. Funny, outgoing, but still quiet. I never thought of him as loud, and I was so surprised to see how outgoing he truly was based on all the funny facebook pictures. Jake reminded me of my older brother, and he held, I suppose holds, a very special place in my heart. Knowing he’s gone is like losing a part of myself I didn’t realize solely existed because of him. And I don’t know what to do now. I can’t accept that he’s gone, even though the funeral last night was real, and even more proof he’s just not coming back. I can’t accept that, but I have to. I could go on and on about Jake, how incredible he was, and how loved he made me feel, and how greatly I love him back, but I want to move on to the “joy” part of this blog entry. The joy actually began the day of Jake’s death, and this is what I posted to FaceBook:
“Just want to note that I have been crying for hours over my friend passing way, and I ran to God and He met me, and filled me with His peace and love and I feel amazing. Only God, in the midst of my suffering, can make me feel brand new. His love for me, for all of us, is amazing, and He is worthy of all of my praise, of my entire life.” I also want to note that I was dancing that day. God just met me right where I was at, and I asked for joy, and He gave it to me. He is near to the broken hearted, like He promises in Psalm 34:18, “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” and He truly is! He never leaves us, and He is always right here for us. We can reach out to Him anytime, and He will take our hand. We’re not meant to carry all of the heaviness of life, and He knows that He created us, and He offers to take that off our shoulders. That way we may experience true freedom; He does that so that we may be free. I know God is right here with me, and He gave me even more joy. Like I said earlier, yesterday was Jake’s funeral, his “Celebration of Life”, and maybe even to my own surprise, I went home giddy. I got to worship God, I got to see a very special person to me while I was there, and I got to learn and see more of Jake, too. Trust me when I say I cried, and cried, and cried. How on earth do they expect people to handle a slideshow of over 100 pictures of Jake? His face, just over and over, and I cried just looking at his face each time, knowing, he’s not coming back... But God!! I know in my heart, my soul, too, that everything is fine. I have joy welling up inside me and nothing can crush it. Nothing can stop it, because it is godly Joy! I laughed so much yesterday, telling stupid jokes with my friend, I was comforted and was able to comfort. There were a lot of exposed hearts, tears, hugs, and shaky hands, but I haven’t had so much fun in a long time. I haven’t been so happy in such a long time, even right now I am just joy filled. I know Jake’s alright, I’ll see him again, and I know good will come of this. Good, good things. Because God is good all the time, and all the time God is good! (the last sentence is from “God’s not dead”) There are many things in our life that beg for our attention. There are also things in our life we focus heavily on, because we’d rather think about that than anything else. Some people are stuck in the past, some are stuck in the future, but neither really know how to live in the present. I have the issue of being stuck in the future. I always think about having a boyfriend, or being married, or living in a nice house, or a luxury city apartment, or just whatever awesome thing I feel like is ahead of me. When I think of where I am right now, I just see a lonely girl, stuck in her house all day; a hectic house filled with animals and a hoarder’s collection of objects from 1990. I feel cramped, stuck, and like I’m going no where, so I like to think of the future. But, the other day, Saturday, (I am writing this Wednesday) I just had this feeling of, “hey, you’re still a teen, you’ve got your whole life ahead of you, and God did give you a task at hand, your blog. Not only that, but you really don’t need to be rushing into any relationships, and should just focus on friendship.” and I realized that that thought was correct. I knew someone had prayed that over me, so that I could understand not to rush things. I felt that in my Spirit, “you have been, and are being, prayed over”. I just need to sit back, live in the moment, and focus on the task God has given me; this blog is the only thing I need to focus on. Boyfriends can wait, thinking about my career can wait, house shopping can wait. Right now, it’s me, my blog, and God will figure out the rest. I just have to trust Him, focus on Him, and let go of everything else.
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Melody C.God has given me the natural talent as a writer. I felt Him encourage me in the direction of using my natural skill in writing for Him, instead of investing in skills that were basically going to waste. I have been writing my whole life. I love to answer questions, give advice, and share experiences. I hope you enjoy it, and I pray that God speaks through me and to you. If there are ever any typos, please ignore them. They will be fixed as soon as I notice them. Archives
February 2019
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