Welcome to my blog!
In case you haven’t noticed, things won’t always go your way. You might want a sunny day, and then it rains. You might go to a restaurant and try to order your favorite thing, and it turns out they are out of it. Or, surprisingly, you might want one thing, and that doesn’t happen, but something even better happens instead. Like maybe you wanted to take a road you’re familiar with to get somewhere, but there is a detour, and you’re forced to go the other way, you’re forced to take a new and/or unfamiliar road. At first, you’d probably be really upset, “But I know this road! I can’t get lost on this road, I’ve been down it so many times! I know all the stops on this road, if I need food, I know where I can eat. If I need to fill up the car, I know exactly where all the gas stations are!” But you have no choice, so you take the new road. The other, a little scary and/or intimidating, unfamiliar road. And guess what? You see a rainbow as you drive, because on this road, there aren’t as many trees or buildings, and the sky is open to you. Because of that, you see a beautiful sunset as well. Along the road, there are colorful, charming little houses, each one unique and beautiful. You get hungry and so you stop a diner, and it turns out you love everything on the menu. The people here are nice, and point you to a local gas station, and you realize, maybe taking the new, unfamiliar, not-what-you-wanted, path was the better way all along. Lately, I’ve had a lot of redirection in my life. I was supposed to start going to a certain school come January. I was going to be with my friends, graduate with all of them, and get used to public school again, so that college life would be easy. I was also going to move into my friend Tiffany’s house, which to me seemed like peace, because there’s only one dog, it’s clean, and it would be a change that I needed. It would also be quiet, I could focus on my school work, get stuff done, and succeed more than I feel I can at home. I was looking forward to it. But then things changed, a detour happened. The school I was supposed to go to denied me. They told me one thing for the past six months as I was preparing to go to the school, but when I got there they made up all this stuff, and had changed their minds about allowing me to attend. There were things they said , “yes” to over the phone, but in person they decided to say, “no”. And it was heartbreaking, I was really upset. I can’t graduate with my friends now, and I no longer had a reason to move into Tiffany’s house, an escape, a place where I could have a clear mind, and felt I could actually succeed. But, I was terrified of going to public school again. It’s so big, and there are so many rules I’ve lived without for the past few years, and so I was scared, and was really very relieved when I found out I didn’t have to go anymore. No, I can’t graduate with my friends, but these people are still my friends, even if I can’t graduate with them. And no, I’m not moving into Tiffany’s anymore, but now I’m realizing I could just drop myself off at the Library, and hang there until I get all my school work done. It’s quiet, and I’ll be able to concentrate. I trust God knows what He’s doing, and that everything happens for a reason. And this isn’t the end of all the redirection in my life, God’s been doing more. For the past six months or so, I’ve been interested in a certain guy, one that God has put on my heart, and continuously led me to. I trust that this is guy God’s been showing me over the years, and so I listened to God (mostly) as this was unraveling. But, then there was a roadblock that woke me up, which I mentioned in my last journal entry. See, magically, I thought this guy would know that I like him. I expected God to tell him for me, do all of the work, etc. That didn’t happen.(my friend pointed that though God gave the Israelites victory in their battles when they decided to rely on Him, they still had to go out and fight the actual battle. They didn’t get to sit at home, and let God do everything.) Finally, it came to the point where I realized, I’ve got to tell him how I felt. And I did. It was the craziest thing I’ve done in like, 10 years, but I did it. And it did not go the way I hoped. It hurt a lot not going my way, as in his reaction wasn’t what I hoped, and I had a really rough few days, but I realized God did not bring me this far just to leave me. No, it did not go my way, but it went the exact way it was supposed to go. We’re friends, and after calming down, I realized that was exactly what I wanted. And after flipping through my journal, I realized being his friend was my prayer, too. I am in no place to jump into a relationship, and if things had gone my way, that would’ve been my original intention. With everything going on in my life, I realized friendship is all I can handle, anyway. And best of all, this is where God wants me to be, this is where He wants this situation to be, and I am perfectly okay with that. I trust God, and if this is what He says and He wants, and then I’ll go with it, because that’s what I want, too. And through all of these things, even though they hurt, God let me know that He was with me the whole time. There was the one night of silence, but even then I felt God’s peace. He’s with me, with us, always, to the very end of the age. In closing, redirection may not always make sense, we may not be looking forward to it, in short, we may not like it. But we need it sometimes. I was scared to go to public school, and go at a different pace. Thank God, I don’t have to do that anymore. I can take the time I need to be successful. And half of the reason I wanted to go to Tiffany’s was to run away from my problems, and I’m realizing there are other solutions, and I don’t have to be stubborn and have tunnel-vision. There isn’t always only one solution to a problem, it’s not always going to go my way and be solved how I want it to. And with this guy, I’m learning to be content when things don’t go the way I hoped, or thought I wanted, I’m learning to be happy when things don’t go my way, and go God’s way instead, because I know that’s better. And I’m not ready to be in any sort of relationship, and God knows that, even if I didn’t want to admit it. So in reality, though it looks like a bunch of detours, u-turns, and Atlanta Georgia Traffic, everything is going exactly the way it’s supposed to, and because I know it’s from God, I am okay with that. And if everything in your life seems to be going crazy, just look right back at God. He’s bigger, and He knows what He’s doing, trust me on that. And trust God, He’ll get you through it all.
You are LOVED!! Melody
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In this life, we are promised to have struggles. So when they happen, you think we wouldn’t be surprised, right? Well, the thing is there are all types of struggles. Financial, relational, mental, emotional, etc. You can’t exactly predict struggles. They just happen. If your friend dies, that’s a huge struggle. Months, years, of crying, grieving, and maybe even mentally struggling for a while if they played a huge role in your life. What if your work suddenly closes down one day? Where will the money for all your bills come from? How will you take care of yourself, your family? What if your heart gets broken, and the person on the other side doesn’t seem to care? What if in all of this, you cry out to God, and He’s silent? What if He doesn’t answer some big, grand way? What if you don’t feel Him there at all, but your world is crashing all around you? That was last night for me. I realized I was probably being a bit dramatic with what I was crying about (a guy), but even in that pain, in my struggle, I called out to God, and He didn’t answer me. I was on my knees, hands up, tears streaming down my face, and no answer. God was completely silent. All He gave me was peace. But there was no voice, no “I love you, I’m right here.” just quiet. And that hurt even more so. I felt like God had abandoned me, but because His peace was with me, I knew that wasn’t true. So why didn’t God answer me? To test my trust in Him, I think at least. It takes faith to call out to God, and choose to continue to believe in and praise/worship Him, even when He chooses silence as His response. It’s trusting that Him responding with silence, is all the answer you need. The thing is, I know very well God is there. He doesn’t have to be audible for me to know that. So why did I keep crying out, “answer me!” when I knew He chose silence? Because I wanted a reason. God had revealed the guy He had been showing me in dreams over the past 3 years. Of course, then, my expectations were high. Even now, knowing God’s doing this in His timing, I still fawn over this guy on a regular basis. I haven’t told him I like him. I haven’t really communicated much with him at all. I chose silence, because I felt like God just wanted me to wait on Him, and let that guy move first. But, in the past few days alone, my heart had been breaking. I noticed that he was doing things I didn’t like, being flirty to where it seems harmless, but to my all-consumed-in-him heart, it was torture. And I’ve been watching him do it for days. Posting things that just hurt me deeper and deeper, because all I see is that he’s betraying me, when in reality, he has no idea that I like him, and wouldn’t ever hurt me intentionally. Now, I’m fine. I talked to my mom and a friend about it, and with some insight, I feel much better. My point here is to point out that God is just, God is sovereign, because this broke my heart into a million pieces. The things I saw him do, small little things that were normal to him, broke me, way too easily. They kept replaying in my head, I couldn’t breathe, it felt awful. And then, I cried out to God-- and heard nothing. God decided to say nothing to me. No voice. No “I got this” no “trust me” just silence. And that hurt. That hurt so bad, to know my heart was breaking and my God was choosing not to answer me. But that is alright. If God decides silence is my answer, so that I am able to see that He and what He’s already said is the answer, then I will continue to trust Him, and be content with that silence, because I know that is the best choice, that is His answer. I feel so dramatic writing this, cause these things I cried so hard about last night are just nothing now. And the good thing is, God knew that the whole time. The thing is, you can be perfectly lined up in the will of God, and still suffer. God wanted to see if I trusted Him if silence was His answer, and like a loving Father disciplines His child, He wanted me to realize that I cannot put everything into this boy. That boy is not God, cannot satisfy me/make me happy like God can, and is not aware of how I feel, so me putting my everything into him is useless, a waste of time. All I need to do, is my put my everything into God, and He’ll take care of the rest. I’ve wanted to give up on this relationship before. Run away, bail on him, find a guy I think I’d like better, all because I wasn’t being patient, I chose to panic and try to change things to go my way, because God’s way was not fast enough for me. And God stopped me, and told me I wasn’t trusting Him, again. And these things, that caused me panic for the past few days, each time I went to Him with them on my heart, I knew that His answer was that everything would be alright, and that I just needed to trust Him, even if He was silent. Things do not change just because you don’t get a response. If God tells you something, promises you something, that thing is set in stone. Nothing can move it, nothing can prevent it. God will not and cannot go back on His promises. So right now, though it seems I’m in love with a guy who knows of existence but doesn’t exactly act, it doesn’t mean that what God says isn’t true. It might be tomorrow, next week, six months, or even a year, but it’ll happen. Don’t know how, and I do not know precisely when, but God said it would, so I’ll just have to wait and see. I will continue to pursue God with my everything, and one day, whenever God decides that day will be, His promise that He made to me August of 2013, will come true. (And I will be so glad to know that it is happening at the exact time, in the exact way that God wants it to. And it is so great to know that the omnipotent, all knowing, existing in all times at once, all powerful, above all, God of the universe and everything else in creation, is the One who will (and is) orchestrate this event.) You are LOVED!! Have a blessed everything, Melody P.S. again, did not proof read this, it is late lol. Playing Jesus
Based on a sermon by Pastor Daniel B. Pretend for a moment it is your job to act like Jesus. Based on the Bible, and your own relationship with Jesus, what is He like? A few that words would come to mind are calm, peaceful, loving, caring, compassionate, patient, gentle, and kind, just to name a few. So now, you, playing Jesus, are supposed to act those things out. If you had to play the part, act out Jesus, you would instantly focus and concentrate on becoming more gentle, patient, kind, and compassionate. All of those things that Jesus is. I'm here to tell you that that is your job everyday. To become more and more like Jesus. To be kind, and bless others. To be compassionate, listen to people's stories, and offer help to them if you can. To be gentle, and to speak calmly even when someone is angry. Not rushing or forcing your way into someone's heart, but being patient and kind, taking the time to handle their heart with care, like Jesus would. Love like Jesus. And this quote I am getting off of tumblr, but “cross oceans for people, even if they wouldn't walk thru a puddle for you.” That is what real, sacrificial, amazing love is. (I am not saying to be a doormat, I am saying to put others before yourself. I'd recommend reading the book “Boundaries” to get a better idea on how to do this, and just exactly what that means.) Truly LOVE people. Don't just tolerate them, don't fake it. If you are having a hard time loving someone, pray to God to help you out. Love is what changes people, not force. For the longest time, I thought love was just really liking and wanting someone, and being there for them from time to time, as much as you could really, but I didn’t realize what love truly meant until I watched the 5 Love Languages, and Dr. Gary Chapman said that love is waking up every day and choosing someone’s needs before your own. And because I had such a surface idea of love, my first thought was “that sounds awful!! Waking up everyday to do stuff I don’t want to do?? Doing things for others all the time? THEIR needs before MINE?? Why would somehow choose to do that, day after day? That sounds like torture! Love sounds so difficult!!” Yet, people do choose to do that, day after day. They choose to love people. They put others needs before themselves, they seek to serve, help, give, they seek to be joy to and bless someone. They know how amazing love feels. It’d feel awesome if I woke up and my husband had bought me flowers and put them on my nightstand. And even right now in my current life, I bet it’d be awesome for my mom if she woke up and I had made her breakfast. The thing I didn’t see about love originally, is that even though it can be difficult, because you really are fighting yourself, there is also such a joy love brings. I love to love people. I love to smile at customers and tell them to have a great day, and I love that I genuinely want them to. I love seeing my friend Sergeant and hugging her tight and know she loves me back. I love being able to shout Wifey across the room and know my Wifey will turn around and greet me, possibly freaked out that I just screamed at her. I love that Ombre takes the time to listen to me ramble about nothingness, and that we can talk about our crushes mindlessly without end. And I love that I can hug Missy and know she is so happy to see me, and wants me there with her. I love to see all these people, and I could go on and on about the people I love, and how great it feels to love them. It is such a joy to serve, too. There are so many things about playing Jesus that just make me warm, but I cannot ignore the other side either, however, I also really try not to care! What I mean is, we will be prosecuted for our faith. We will lose friends, possibly respect from people, people may be mean to us, discredit us, laugh at us, and a number of other things. And I cannot say I am free from fear of these things, WHO CARES!!! I don’t care if you laugh because I’m reading the Bible. I love it so much! I love to open up Psalms, and read the love letters written to and from God. I love to read the Old Testament and see God come through for his people, even though they were total idiots sometimes, and they failed him constantly. I love the New Testament, and being able to learn about how to be like Jesus even more so, and how I should be living my life. Jesus was persecuted for preaching the Truth, and we will be, too! But who cares!! It’s all incredible in the end. Jesus has risen, and there is nothing, NOTHING, that can take that away. There is no mean word, no friend we could lose, and no bad event in our life that can keep God from being glorified, and keep us from the glory promised to us once we choose to follow Jesus. It’s in the bag, man. Don’t go about life fearful, thinking, “but if I talk about God, they may not want to be my friends.” WHO CARES!!!! Talk about God! I am not saying shove God down people’s throats, but don’t deny Him, either. Live for Him and Him alone. Don’t live for you, or your friends, or for the world. That;s empty, I guarantee it. (King Solomon guarantees that, too, in Ecclesiastes) Live for God! Following Jesus is the best thing you could do, definitely not the easiest, but most certainly the best. (that is your own choice, of course. Don’t let people force you into it, and don’t force people into it, else resentment will grow, like it did for me. It is the best choice, but YOU must make it. No one else can make it for you.) Following Him means acting like Him. So be kind, be gentle, be patient, have compassion, mercy, and truly LOVE people!! Pray and seek God so that you may become more and more like Jesus, and practice it every day. Take risks, live boldly, and don’t be afraid. God’s with you, you got this. Keep praying, seeking, and following God, “Seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” (Matthew 6:33) “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” (Isaiah 41:10) Thank you, and remember, you are LOVED!! Melody P.S. It may help if when you wake up and look in the mirror each day to say, “I am playing Jesus today,”. Remind yourself what that means, and do it. Pray to God to help you do it, too. P.P.S. I did not proof read this because it is almost 1 AM, ignore any mistakes :) also I am totally hyper and slap happy cause it's so late so there might be some random dumb stuff in here. God does amazing things for us all the time. He gives us air to breathe, eyes to see, and displays creation beautifully before us for our own enjoyment. On top of those everyday amazing things we tend to take for granted, He does some stand-outish things that are just incredible. God stories are stories of when God has done something earth shattering for you. Maybe it was small, like you got just the right parking spot and made it to your doctor’s appointment on time, or maybe it was big, and God provided all the money you needed for a mission trip or a bill overnight. Either way, God is showing Himself, and it is always encouraging to remind yourself of what God has done for you, and what He has done for other people. (side note: always be grateful and thankful for everything, and stay in an “attitude of gratitude”.) Citing my journal, I have gone through and found prayers requests, even little things I’ve mentioned, that God has responded to. Keep in mind God is not a genie, an answer to each prayer isn’t always a resounding, “yes”, and He has a purpose for everything. Off the top of my head, I can tell you I was amazed when God provided a job for me, and when I sought out to honor Him by finding a job that lets me have Sundays off for the sake of going to church, He honored me as well, and the job I was able to get not only is closed Sundays, but also my favorite day of the week, Mondays. So God honored me as I honored Him. That amazes me so much, because all I can think is, “how am I worth that much to you that you’d do such a thing?” and then I recall how while I was just reading 1st Chronicles, David had set out to build a house for LORD (an actual building for the ark/the Name of God instead of just a tent) and God told him no, and said He’d be the one building a house for David. That just amazed me, David wanted to go out of his way to do something amazing for God, and instead, God did something amazing for him. (to understand this better I recommend reading that part of 1st Chronicles) God has promised to provide everything we need, and my current prayer is for a car. (update: that’s going to work out and I will have a car yay!) Here are some of the stories and ways He has already answered me/heard me out:
Thank you again, Melody |
Melody C.God has given me the natural talent as a writer. I felt Him encourage me in the direction of using my natural skill in writing for Him, instead of investing in skills that were basically going to waste. I have been writing my whole life. I love to answer questions, give advice, and share experiences. I hope you enjoy it, and I pray that God speaks through me and to you. If there are ever any typos, please ignore them. They will be fixed as soon as I notice them. Archives
February 2019
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