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One week ago, Thursday, October 20, 2016, I lost my friend Jake Kalicki. Jake was one of those people in my life where I thought, “Oh, they’ll always be there. It’s them, why wouldn’t they be here?” He was a constant, and I didn’t realize what a huge hold on my heart he had until he died. Even now, I cannot fully come to grips with the reality that he’s just not here. I won’t be able to hug him ever, I won’t get to hear any stupid jokes, we won’t get to talk about that episode of Family Guy he asked me to watch, and I won’t be able to tell him I thought it was kind of sweet like he said it would be. I won’t get to rant about how we both didn’t like our Algebra teacher, and I won’t get to hear about how the year went after I left that January. Some part of me knew Jake was suffering in some way, but he was always the kind of person to look out for others, how are they doing, and you’d try to ask him about his life and he’d just redirect the conversation. I have known Jake since elementary school, and I am so glad I got to spend that time with him, and those few months with him in that highschool classroom, talking everyday about everything. Jake was fantastic, and after I left that highschool, I had no idea what became of him. I learned later on that he had partied a lot, and drank, too. And that surprised me. Finding out he died was shocking enough, finding out he had that kind of lifestyle was almost even more shocking. Jake had been quiet with me. Funny, outgoing, but still quiet. I never thought of him as loud, and I was so surprised to see how outgoing he truly was based on all the funny facebook pictures. Jake reminded me of my older brother, and he held, I suppose holds, a very special place in my heart. Knowing he’s gone is like losing a part of myself I didn’t realize solely existed because of him. And I don’t know what to do now. I can’t accept that he’s gone, even though the funeral last night was real, and even more proof he’s just not coming back. I can’t accept that, but I have to. I could go on and on about Jake, how incredible he was, and how loved he made me feel, and how greatly I love him back, but I want to move on to the “joy” part of this blog entry. The joy actually began the day of Jake’s death, and this is what I posted to FaceBook:
“Just want to note that I have been crying for hours over my friend passing way, and I ran to God and He met me, and filled me with His peace and love and I feel amazing. Only God, in the midst of my suffering, can make me feel brand new. His love for me, for all of us, is amazing, and He is worthy of all of my praise, of my entire life.” I also want to note that I was dancing that day. God just met me right where I was at, and I asked for joy, and He gave it to me. He is near to the broken hearted, like He promises in Psalm 34:18, “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” and He truly is! He never leaves us, and He is always right here for us. We can reach out to Him anytime, and He will take our hand. We’re not meant to carry all of the heaviness of life, and He knows that He created us, and He offers to take that off our shoulders. That way we may experience true freedom; He does that so that we may be free. I know God is right here with me, and He gave me even more joy. Like I said earlier, yesterday was Jake’s funeral, his “Celebration of Life”, and maybe even to my own surprise, I went home giddy. I got to worship God, I got to see a very special person to me while I was there, and I got to learn and see more of Jake, too. Trust me when I say I cried, and cried, and cried. How on earth do they expect people to handle a slideshow of over 100 pictures of Jake? His face, just over and over, and I cried just looking at his face each time, knowing, he’s not coming back... But God!! I know in my heart, my soul, too, that everything is fine. I have joy welling up inside me and nothing can crush it. Nothing can stop it, because it is godly Joy! I laughed so much yesterday, telling stupid jokes with my friend, I was comforted and was able to comfort. There were a lot of exposed hearts, tears, hugs, and shaky hands, but I haven’t had so much fun in a long time. I haven’t been so happy in such a long time, even right now I am just joy filled. I know Jake’s alright, I’ll see him again, and I know good will come of this. Good, good things. Because God is good all the time, and all the time God is good! (the last sentence is from “God’s not dead”)
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Melody C.God has given me the natural talent as a writer. I felt Him encourage me in the direction of using my natural skill in writing for Him, instead of investing in skills that were basically going to waste. I have been writing my whole life. I love to answer questions, give advice, and share experiences. I hope you enjoy it, and I pray that God speaks through me and to you. If there are ever any typos, please ignore them. They will be fixed as soon as I notice them. Archives
February 2019
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