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In this life, we are promised to have struggles. So when they happen, you think we wouldn’t be surprised, right? Well, the thing is there are all types of struggles. Financial, relational, mental, emotional, etc. You can’t exactly predict struggles. They just happen. If your friend dies, that’s a huge struggle. Months, years, of crying, grieving, and maybe even mentally struggling for a while if they played a huge role in your life. What if your work suddenly closes down one day? Where will the money for all your bills come from? How will you take care of yourself, your family? What if your heart gets broken, and the person on the other side doesn’t seem to care? What if in all of this, you cry out to God, and He’s silent? What if He doesn’t answer some big, grand way? What if you don’t feel Him there at all, but your world is crashing all around you? That was last night for me. I realized I was probably being a bit dramatic with what I was crying about (a guy), but even in that pain, in my struggle, I called out to God, and He didn’t answer me. I was on my knees, hands up, tears streaming down my face, and no answer. God was completely silent. All He gave me was peace. But there was no voice, no “I love you, I’m right here.” just quiet. And that hurt even more so. I felt like God had abandoned me, but because His peace was with me, I knew that wasn’t true. So why didn’t God answer me? To test my trust in Him, I think at least. It takes faith to call out to God, and choose to continue to believe in and praise/worship Him, even when He chooses silence as His response. It’s trusting that Him responding with silence, is all the answer you need. The thing is, I know very well God is there. He doesn’t have to be audible for me to know that. So why did I keep crying out, “answer me!” when I knew He chose silence? Because I wanted a reason. God had revealed the guy He had been showing me in dreams over the past 3 years. Of course, then, my expectations were high. Even now, knowing God’s doing this in His timing, I still fawn over this guy on a regular basis. I haven’t told him I like him. I haven’t really communicated much with him at all. I chose silence, because I felt like God just wanted me to wait on Him, and let that guy move first. But, in the past few days alone, my heart had been breaking. I noticed that he was doing things I didn’t like, being flirty to where it seems harmless, but to my all-consumed-in-him heart, it was torture. And I’ve been watching him do it for days. Posting things that just hurt me deeper and deeper, because all I see is that he’s betraying me, when in reality, he has no idea that I like him, and wouldn’t ever hurt me intentionally. Now, I’m fine. I talked to my mom and a friend about it, and with some insight, I feel much better. My point here is to point out that God is just, God is sovereign, because this broke my heart into a million pieces. The things I saw him do, small little things that were normal to him, broke me, way too easily. They kept replaying in my head, I couldn’t breathe, it felt awful. And then, I cried out to God-- and heard nothing. God decided to say nothing to me. No voice. No “I got this” no “trust me” just silence. And that hurt. That hurt so bad, to know my heart was breaking and my God was choosing not to answer me. But that is alright. If God decides silence is my answer, so that I am able to see that He and what He’s already said is the answer, then I will continue to trust Him, and be content with that silence, because I know that is the best choice, that is His answer. I feel so dramatic writing this, cause these things I cried so hard about last night are just nothing now. And the good thing is, God knew that the whole time. The thing is, you can be perfectly lined up in the will of God, and still suffer. God wanted to see if I trusted Him if silence was His answer, and like a loving Father disciplines His child, He wanted me to realize that I cannot put everything into this boy. That boy is not God, cannot satisfy me/make me happy like God can, and is not aware of how I feel, so me putting my everything into him is useless, a waste of time. All I need to do, is my put my everything into God, and He’ll take care of the rest. I’ve wanted to give up on this relationship before. Run away, bail on him, find a guy I think I’d like better, all because I wasn’t being patient, I chose to panic and try to change things to go my way, because God’s way was not fast enough for me. And God stopped me, and told me I wasn’t trusting Him, again. And these things, that caused me panic for the past few days, each time I went to Him with them on my heart, I knew that His answer was that everything would be alright, and that I just needed to trust Him, even if He was silent. Things do not change just because you don’t get a response. If God tells you something, promises you something, that thing is set in stone. Nothing can move it, nothing can prevent it. God will not and cannot go back on His promises. So right now, though it seems I’m in love with a guy who knows of existence but doesn’t exactly act, it doesn’t mean that what God says isn’t true. It might be tomorrow, next week, six months, or even a year, but it’ll happen. Don’t know how, and I do not know precisely when, but God said it would, so I’ll just have to wait and see. I will continue to pursue God with my everything, and one day, whenever God decides that day will be, His promise that He made to me August of 2013, will come true. (And I will be so glad to know that it is happening at the exact time, in the exact way that God wants it to. And it is so great to know that the omnipotent, all knowing, existing in all times at once, all powerful, above all, God of the universe and everything else in creation, is the One who will (and is) orchestrate this event.) You are LOVED!! Have a blessed everything, Melody P.S. again, did not proof read this, it is late lol.
1 Comment
Catrina
12/20/2016 09:32:25 am
You are an amazing Daughter of The Most High Father!
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Melody C.God has given me the natural talent as a writer. I felt Him encourage me in the direction of using my natural skill in writing for Him, instead of investing in skills that were basically going to waste. I have been writing my whole life. I love to answer questions, give advice, and share experiences. I hope you enjoy it, and I pray that God speaks through me and to you. If there are ever any typos, please ignore them. They will be fixed as soon as I notice them. Archives
February 2019
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